Why does it take only one person to change the nature of a relationship? Because if you wait for the other person to step up, you may die waiting.
It’s the birthday of one of my brothers. He’s been silent for a while. No contacts for so long. Waiting for him to call isn’t the answer. Before my brain convinces me that it’s not worth the effort, I pick up the phone and call him. He answers. I wish him the best birthday ever. I genuinely wish him well. And I proceed to ask the “how have you been?” question. He’s surprised and happy I’ve asked. He’s been lonely and isolated. I let him talk. He still forgets to ask me how I am. That’s OK for today. The goal was to reconnect. I made him feel important on an important day; his birthday.
We all know that waiting for a sign to act is a waste of time and energy. Yes, everything can be a sign. We’re the ones giving meaning to things and events. Waiting disables us from moving forward. It’s procrastination in disguise.
Let’s peek at the “maybe”
Maybe you are waiting for the perfect timing to talk to them. Again, there are no perfect time. The best time is when you decide it’s the best time.
Maybe you are waiting to be rescued by them. Well, again you are giving them all the power. It’s a choice. Turn that powerlessness into strength and act on what you want.
Maybe you are waiting to be ready to talk to them. Getting ready to get ready is the most wasteful thing you can do with your precious time, so again, it’s not the best avenue to take in this instance.
Maybe, you want to be right about the issue that created the rift. Needing to be right could mean you felt humiliated, rejected, betrayed or feel there’s an injustice at cause. You need to release and get at peace with those feelings before you make your next move.
Maybe you don’t know how to start the conversation. Calm any jitters by imagining the best outcome. Then, jot it down to make it concrete. To make it easier on yourself, put some music on that you both enjoyed when you were closer. It will reinforce that positive association and make it easier to write what you want to express.
So, Linda, is there any other avenue to take?
With the experience I have as a practitioner in wellness, the next best avenue is to take the driver’s wheel back into your hands.
Decide to change the status of the relationship. You call the person. You initiate the contact. You are genuinely interested in them. Yes, it will take a boat load of courage. Courage is an urgent impulse to do something despite fear of rejection. You’ve had courageous experiences before you can do it again.
Now, this major step is so much easier when you have had a session or two on this challenge. Why?
- You will have reframed your perception about the whole situation.
- You will have transformed your belief about the other person.
- You will feel at ease and at peace before you engage in the reconnection with them.
- You may see the gifts that are hidden or buried.
- You will be able to show vulnerability so you get beyond the small talk. Simply admitting that things are not has you would like. Make eye contact. Talk slowly. For example: “This has been a tough year. I just miss our closeness.” Or “I’m feeling tension between us, and I’d like to get to the other side of it – is this something we can talk about? This line of introduction will invite them to open up too. And if they don’t reciprocate, saying how you feel out loud will help you move forward.
So, stop tolerating what you no longer want. I’m here to guide you in best way possible.
Book you free call to start your way into better relationships with EFT stress relief tools . Here’s the link: www.emotions360.ca/book-online.
P.S. I have put together a file called “Can I trust you?” and how to rebuild the relationship in details. If you would like to have a copy, please send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org. A donation will be appreciated to ensure I continue this blog.
Best of the best to you always,